Why Self-Compassion is the Game-Changer in Creating the Life You Want
For lasting heart-centred change to happen, the changes we make must be built on a foundation of compassion for ourselves.
When we bring about change with the belief that there’s something wrong with us or that we need to be fixed, the changes we make only confirm our old beliefs of “not good enough”. These new changes don’t stick, because underneath those changes we still believe hurtful and unkind things about ourselves. The good news is, there’s a way to start shifting how we feel about ourselves and it has everything to do with self-compassion. Allowing yourself to be human. To have feelings. To have needs.
Every human being feels angry, sad, jealous, hurt and at a loss sometimes. Every human being needs safety, love, acceptance, connection and respect. You are no different. How might your life feel if you allowed yourself to be more human? If you stopped making yourself wrong for having feelings and needs? For messing up? We all mess up sometimes. You’re not alone.
When you learn to see your feelings, needs, actions and choices through a lens of self-compassion, you become more resilient and able to make the changes needed to live more freely.
When we learn how to hold ourselves with the warmth and nurturing that we extend to others and speak to ourselves in a loving and encouraging way, a whole new world opens up for us.
All of us have a tender and nurturing part in us. Just look at the ways that you offer care, kindness and love to your friends and family. Or the part of you that wants to help a stranger in need or a child in distress. Or perhaps you can connect with the part of you that takes loving care of your pets, plants or our beautiful planet. Each of us knows what it feels like to extend care to something or someone. This is great news, because this means that you already have this skill! Now you get to practice using this skill to offer yourself care and kindness. In the way you speak to yourself, in the way you care for and prioritize yourself and in the expectations you set for yourself. How would it feel to nourish yourself the way you nourish others? How might this impact your life for the better?
What are some kind words you can start saying to yourself today?
What is something you can do for yourself today that feels nourishing?
What are some expectations of yourself you can slowly begin to let go of so that you feel more freedom and ease?
Extending compassion to ourselves in this way not only leaves us feeling better emotionally and better able to see ourselves in a more positive light, it also helps regulate our nervous system so that we aren’t living in a state of stress and overwhelm. When we’re really hard on ourselves, it’s very taxing on our nervous system. We end up feeling overwhelmed and agitated and find ourselves overreacting. Or it leads us to feel so helpless that we give up on the things that matter to us (and then shame ourselves about it afterwards). Neither of these options leave us clear-minded and open-hearted to focus on working towards the things that matter to us.
Our harsh way of dealing with ourselves ends up getting in the way of all the things that matter to us. That’s no way to live. Life has enough challenges. Let’s practice making life easier on ourselves. How can you tap into your “inner nurturer” the next time you’re having a hard time? What words of reassurance can you give yourself? (Hint: Think about what you would say to a friend and start practicing speaking to yourself in this way. It will feel weird at first and that’s ok.)
Growing your self-compassion muscle allows you to be more effective in life. It helps you tap into the courage you need to create a life that feels fulfilling. It all starts with one small act of kindness towards yourself. What will yours be today?
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